The Jew and the Redneck
by foodstamper
Summary: Is it possible for two completely opposite beings to fall so deeply in love?


_Today's the day._

_Today's the day I finally get the guts to confess._

As Kyle anxiously sat in his tiny desk, waiting for that bitch of a bell to ring, he once again reviewed his plan to express his true feelings to the one he loved, one he had entitled "The Awesomest Plan Ever to Get into Kenny McCormick's Pants That Cannot Possibly Fail Ever".

First of all, when that goddamned bell finally rang, he would hurry out into the hallways as fast as he could. Kenny was always the first to exit class due to a lack of backpack, so he couldn't dawdle too long. He would _accidentally_ bump into Kenny. Initiate the "Drop Everything and Watch Helplessly but Adorably as the Other Picks Them Up" act, and apologize sincerely. Then, to truly "apologize", bring up the idea of a movie at his place. (which Kenny would accept without a doubt) When he comes, make sure to wear a sweater vest! Kyle knew for a fact that Kenny had a secret fetish for sweater vests. Once the movie ends, ask him to stay over for the night. (Kenny would never refuse. He loved sleeping anywhere at long as it wasn't at his own house.) IF he denies because he hadn't brought any sleeping materials, offer him a spare pair of pajamas and let him crash in your bed. Once both in bed, find the perfect moment to confess shyly and **CUTELY**! Kenny was a sucker for cutesy things, especially blushes, as he had noticed. With any luck, Kenny McCormick would be his boyfriend by the next morning.

It was the most brilliant and well thought out plan Kyle had ever seen.

With another hopeful glance to the clock, he soon found out to his dismay that only four minutes had passed, not nearly the remainder of ten minutes that Kyle had hoped so much for.

Six more minutes left.

Wait...

What if this didn't work?

What if Kenny denied it and didn't come? What if he HAD brought pajamas or slept nude, and insisted to sleep on the ground? (Kyle wouldn't mind if he slept nude in his bed, though.) How wold he be able to confess to Kenny if they weren't even in an intimate distance? And worst yet...

What if Kenny didn't love him back?

No! Of course he did! Kyle was super sure of it. The way that Kenny was so nice and always offered to share his pop-tarts even though he didn't have much to start with was no mistake, right? If Kenny was caring and kind enough to hold and comfort Kyle during all his moments of trauma and depression when even Stan wouldn't totally meant that he had some sort of feeling for him...right? No! He definitely did!

He took another look to the clock. 3 more minutes left.

Kyle couldn't take it anymore. He needed to tell Kenny everything RIGHT NOW. Why the fuck did they even have to go to school anyways? All that stupid Mr. Garrison would talk about was Becker, or his stupid fetish for Glee. He could do much more progressive things with his time, for example reading, or talking to Kenny, or drawing, or talking to Kenny, or listening to trance, or talking to Kenny, or chilling with Stan, or talking to Kenny, or killing the fatass, or making out with-

_**BRINGGGG**_

Mother**fucker** that HURT.

But Kyle didn't have time to hate the school bell. He had to talk to Kenny right away.

"That's it for today kids. Don't forget we have a science test tomorrow." Announced the fagIMEAN teacher "Don't forget to study and stuff."

"Hey Kyle!"

Kyle looked up as the sound of a certain blue hatted boy emerged from the other side of the classroom.

"Dude, you wanna like, go throw rocks at cars later or something?" Stan asked casually "I've got nothing else to do, and it'll be a cold day in hell when I actually study for that science test."

"Um, no thanks." the ginger hastily replied "I hafta do...stuff."

"With Kenny? Jesus Christ man, you've been hanging out with him a lot more than you've been hanging out with me lately." Stan complained "Whatever dude, you can go talk to your new 'super best friend'. I'll go ask Craig, asshole."

Normally, Kyle would have gone after Stan in an effort to try to once again verify their super best friend status, but today was a special occasion. He was looking for one person and only one person- Kenny.

Walking out into the dusty hallway, he scanned the area for the familiar orange parka that he knew and loved. Finding Kenny was always a hassle due to the fact that Kenny wasn't in almost any of Kyle's classes. As he walked without looking up, he bumped into a certain orange clad boy...

Well whadd'ya know, it was Kenny.

"Holy shit, I'm so sorry dude!" Kyle cried as Kenny fell to the floor along with him. He forgot his plan almost immediately and started picking up both his and Kenny's textbooks. "I-I totally wasn't looking straight 'cuz I was looking for you, and oh my god I hope I didn't break your glasses dude, oh my Moses, are they oka-"

"Dude, it's cool. You don't have to be so apologetic." Kenny giggled. "And my glasses are fine, thank you very much. The question is, are you okay? Your face is all red."

"I-I'm okay..." Kyle muttered embarrassedly. That's right! His plan! He totally forgot about his plan! Why did he pick those textbooks up? Kenny was supposed to do that! And he wasn't cute at all! All this time he was preparing himself to act calm, sweet, and collected, but instead he ended up looking like a big douche.

_Okay...stay calm, Kyle. You can do this. Just follow everything according to the plan and it will all work out._

"Uh, s-so!" He began before clearing his throat to get a clearer voice. "Do you wanna like, watch a movie at my house later on?"

"Nah, movies are stupid." The blond stated. Shitshit_shit!_ This was **so** not going according to the plan! He wasn't supposed to deny the offer! Why the fuck did he deny the offer?

_OKAYOKAYOKAY. Just...Just agree and that will work! We haven't failed yet!_

"W-Well, yeah! Of course they are! I mean, with all their stupidy stupidness and all that, that was silly of me to ask, yeah I totally agree with you!" Kyle blurted out.

"Yeah, can I just come over and like, chill out?"

Chill out...that could work! As long as he stayed for the night...

"Okay! You can come over right now if you like! I mean only if you wanted to, if you didn't then...

Kenny just laughed and grabbed the redhead's hand, pulling them both up. Kyle could never understand the way he worked.

* * *

"Kids in seats, Kids in seats."

"The Awesomest Plan Ever to Get into Kenny McCormick's Pants That Cannot Possibly Fail Ever"...had failed.

Kyle sighed, eyes bloodshot and tired from lack of sleep. How could it have failed? Everything he did was according to plan! Well, almost everything.

It had all been going so well! They hung out all day, created some sexual tension, (A total of 6 knee touches, 18 hand touches, 2 face touches, and 1 "accidental" crotch touch!), and he even agreed to stay over! For fuck's sake, they even shared the same fucking bed! Fuckfuckfuck, he was such a pussy...

That's right. Kyle Broflovski had pussied out in confessing.

"Forget it..." Kyle mumbled to himself. "I could never get him to love me..."

His attention was drawn away from his thoughts when he heard a faint "Psst" followed by his name from the back of the faggy classroom. His blue eyes shifted to the source of the call, only to find out that it was his secret admiree, Kenny.

Upon knowing that he had captured the jew's attention, Kenny quickly mouthed the words "What's wrong?" out of curiosity and worry for the boy's current state.

Kyle didn't want him to know. He wouldn't understand even if he told him. He huffily turned away and pretended to pay attention to Mr. Garrison and his oh-so-cleverly named hat puppet.

Kenny frowned, knowing that Kyle was just ignoring him. He decided that the problem must've been a large on for his best friend to be ignoring him like that. Was it because of last night? Did he make too much sexual contact? He was just trying to make Kyle like him... He reached into his pocket and fished out a purple elastic band of a satisfying enough size, set it up on his fingers, aimed, and ignited.

"FUCK, OW!"

Uh oh.

All eyes turned to the victim of the rubber band, Clyde, who inconveniently separated the jew and the redneck. Each of those eyes, including the originally intended target, glared holes into the chubby boy, and each of those eyes wanted to know the unfortunate boy that decided to shoot the rubber band and him.

Trough choked up tears, Clyde managed to strain out:

"K-KENNNNNNNNNNNYYYY W-WHY'D YOU SHOOT MEEEEEE?"

Double Uh oh.

All eyes immediately shifted onto Kenny. Some angry, some indifferent, some bemused, once confused. Kyle.

"Kenny, did you throw this rubber band at Clyde?" Mr. Garrison unhappily inquired.

"Y-You don't understand! I was just trying to get Kyle's attention and then somehow it hit Clyde, but I swear it wasn't intended!" Kenny defended.

"Okay Kenny, that's very interesting." Mr. Garrison said sarcastically. "We'd all love to sit here and listen to your stupid little story, but the matter at hand is more important than your faggy little excuse."

Kenny's face flushed with embarrassment. "W-Well, I-I, Uh..."

"Kenny McCormick, did you or did you not throw this rubber band at Clyde."

"W-Well, I guess so, BUT-"

Kenny's sentence was cut off by a chorus of gasps emerging from the classroom. To throw a rubber band at Clyde Donovan was like angering Eric Cartman. Clyde had been hit by a rubber band by Cartman earlier that year, and he was damned with a broken arm because of it. Clyde's father, Donald Donovan, was a well known lawyer in all of the United States, and got Eric sentenced to five years in Juvi hall, as well as a million dollar fine for the school for allowing that kind of behavior. Since then, rubber bands were considered a crime in class K2, and rubber bands at Clyde Donovan? You might as well have murdered someone if you shot a rubber band at Clyde Donovan. Plus he hated purple for it's relationship to Justin Bieber.

Kenny had did all of that. Jesus Christ was he screwed. Please don't have him break anything...

Thank god he didn't break anything. But he still got in trouble.

"You're in grade nine already Kenny, mm'kay?" The counselor, Mr. Mackey lectured. "You're a big boy now, and you should know better than to throw rubber bands at this age, mm'kay? You have to be mature, mm'kay? Immaturity is bad, mm'kay?"

If that fucking counselor said "Mm'kay" one more time...

"Now you sit outside and think about what you've done, young man!" Mr. Mackey continued. "You could've gotten us into trouble again..." He added in a mumble.

Kenny got up silently, not wanting to anger the big-headed counselor any more than he already was. Fucking teachers were all the same...

Once he got to the comfy pink couch that laid outside of the principal's office, he immediately plopped down into the soft fabric with a relieving sigh.

"The only good thing about getting in trouble is how fucking comfy this couch is..." He mumbled to himself.

After a few attempts at dozing off, boredom overcame him and he reached back into his pocket to get out what got him into that mess in the first place- a rubber band. Stringing it accros his fingers, he managed to create a makeshift guitar that could only play one note. As boring as it seems, the finger guitar amused Kenny for hours until he finally heard footsteps coming in from the other end of the hallway.

"Now young man, I expected you to behave better than this." Principal Victoria said. However, it didn't seem to be directed at Kenny. Someone else was walking along with her.

"I'm sorry, principal Victoria." The anonymous other figure replied. "I just have a lot on my mind right now..."

That voice sounded familiar. Funny, it sounded just like...

Kyle?

"Well, Kyle, I'm afraid that until you can learn to focus better in class, you'll have to sit out here with Kenny." Principal Victoria stated firmly as she set him down on the couch next to Kenny. They both remained silent as she walked away.

What should he do? Nothing, that's what.

Kenny pretended not to notice Kyle's presence as he continued playing what he could of the song "I Remember You". He couldn't help but shift his eyes over to him. God, he was was such a dork. Only Kyle would be caught alive wearing a sweater vest, but fuck did he love it.

He looked up a little, into Kyle's face. Kenny never noticed his light freckles until then. And how the fuck were his lips so fucking pink? Did he wear lipstick or something? He hoped not, because although he extremely wanted Kyle to be gay, he didn't want him to be THAT gay. Was that blush? Did Kyle wear blush too? Kenny looked a little higher.

Oh God. How embarrassing.

Kyle's alice blue eyes were staring right back at Kenny's lime green ones, and by the looks of it, Kyle was also making subtle observations of the orange clad boy. He apparently had also just noticed the sudden eye contact, and they both turned away simultaneously. Awkward...

_Anyways, back to finguitaring..._ Kenny thought. This time, he fished out two more rubber bands from his pocket in hopes of creating a better, more fascinating tone than the dull one he had created for himself previously. He couldn't help but look up once in a while to see the reactions of the JJJ sitting beside him, and noticed on several occasions when the boy was about the make a witty comment. However, the comments were kept to himself it seemed, and by the time Kenny was done upgrading his fabulous new instrument, not a single word was uttered.

He once again began playing the song "I Remember You" on his makeshift guitar, as he felt he was becoming quite good at it, and he couldn't help but feel just a litle proud of himself for his outstanding progress. Even as he played, his mind remained set on Kyle, and by the time he got to the chorus, he finally had enough and decided to speak up.

"Well aren't you frumpy today."

The two boys sat in complete silence until a small, strained snicker was heard from the Jew. Unable to resist, they both fell into uncontrollable laughter, however Kyle still refused to talk.

Kenny pouted and pushed his violet glasses onto the top of his head, where it clashed horribly with his orange parka. However this was one of his best methods of thinking as he thought by doing so, all the clarity from the glasses would travel into his brain until he got an idea. While doing so, he also played the song "Wonderwall", which he felt was a tremendous feat for someone as feeble-minded as he. Once he got to the chorus of the song, he finally heard Kyle speak, or sing as it was a more accurate term of what he was doing.

"There are many things I'd like to say to you  
But I don't know how  
Because maybe,  
You're going to be the one that saves me  
And after all  
You're my Wonderwall."

Although it was sang quite timidly, Kenny could hear every last bit of it as if it were the loudest scream. He looked at Kyle, whose face was crimson with embarrassment, lust, and excitement at the same time. However, when Kenny decided to continue the song, Kyle did not sing back. Curious, and just a little confused, Kenny replayed the chorus in an attempt to get Kyle to sing once more. He did so, and this time Kenny sang along with him. This was an amazing feat seeing as the finguitar did not do a very good job on conveying the melody, but somehow Kyle immediately knew what the song was.

Once the chorus ended, both boys once again sat in silence, this time much more awkward than before. Both knew what they had to say, but none of them had the guts to say it.

Except maybe not Kyle.

A whirlwind of thoughts were going on in Kyle's head. _I can't pussy out this time, I just can't! _He thought. _ Everything's so perfect...I won't let this opportunity pass me. I'm going to say it! _He decided.

"Kenny?" he whispered, although he did not know why.

Kenny immediately whipped his head over to Kyle. His face lit up with eagerness, for he too wanted to say his true feelings, and was hoping that Kyle did as well.

What should he say now? 'I love you?" Kyle thought that dropping the "I" word that early was not a smart move. "I think you're great?" No...That wouldn't work. "I like you?" That could be said in a platonic form too. Kyle didn't just like Kenny in a platonic way, he wanted much, much more! Frustrated, he blurted out the first thing he could think of:

"Kenny...Kenny you're my Wonderwall!"

Right after he said it, he regretted it. Wonderwall? What the fuck was he thinking? Kenny wouldn't know what that meant! He just screwed up a perfect moment, didn't he?

Meanwhile, in Kenny's mind, he was still taken aback by the sort-of confession from Kyle. What did Wonderwall mean anyway? He knew it was meant in a positive way, but what exactly did it _mean_? Did he say he thinks I'm wonderful? Cool? Or dare say it, did he say he _loves me_?

He pondered for a bit, and tried to remember the definition of it that he found on UrbanDictionary:

**Wonderwall ; _noun_**

_Someone you find yourself thinking about all the time, the person who you are completely infatuated with. The person who you look for on your buddy list every time you sign online. The one who has a heart next to their name in your phone book. The person you find yourself completely heads over heels for._

Oh.

Kenny quickly fumbled into his mind for a suitable answer as he saw Kyle's face fall from disappointment. He couldn't do so, so he came up with the stupidest reply ever.

"U-Um, you're like my Wonderwall too, and I really think I love you, but I shouldn't have said that...shit."

Kyle burst out into laughter from Kenny's silly reply, and Kenny couldn't help doing so as well, but his laugh was just a little bit unsure. He still wasn't quite certain if Kyle had meant it.

"Um, so, do you mean it?" He asked nervously. Please don't say no...

Kyle nodded his head vigorously, still feeling a shock of confidence from his sort-of-confession. "YES!" he practically shouted. "I mean it! I definitely mean it!"

Kenny let out a sigh of relief, but all was not so good between the lives of the Jew and the redneck. The problem was, _they didn't know what to say next._ Both wanted to kiss the other, but they didn't know what to do.

"Um...so...Are you gonna kiss me?" Kyle said quietly. What if Kenny wasn't kissing him because he was kidding? Oh shit, he shouldn't have said that.

Kenny looked at him. "...I don't know...Do you want me to?"

Kyle nodded a bit. Slowly, they moved in close to each other.

Just before their lips met, Kenny licked his lips. Confused, Kyle looked at him as if he were crazy. "What are you doing?" He asked curiously.

"Your breath..."

Kyle panicked. That's right, he forgot to brush his teeth this morning! Shitshitshitshitshit he messed it up! He couldn't believe that he messed up an otherwise amazing moment.

"...Smells like bacon." Kenny finished.

They both fell into a fit of giggles, and their lips collided without hesitation. It soon turned into a little match of "Who can hold their breath the longest", except instead of using competition and rivalry, they did it out of love.

After about 30 minutes, they fell into the soft cushions of the pink fluffy sofa, each gasping for breath. Both of their lips were bruised and swollen, but none of them really cared. Kenny looked at Kyle, _his _Kyle, and reached out to hold his hand. Kyle didn't resist, and giggled like a schoolgirl.

"I want to kiss you again." He stated bluntly.

Kyle glanced at the clock. "So do I, but school's gonna end soon..." He said sadly. Kenny looked at the ground and pouted a bit.

"Well, wanna come over to my house after school ends?" He asked with a bit of hope in his voice "We can make a fort out of my shitty bedsheets and cuddle all night...But only if you want to." He added.

Kyle laughed and so did Kenny. "The Awesomest Plan Ever to Get into Kenny McCormick's Pants That Cannot Possibly Fail Ever" did _not_ fail after all, it just went a little differently than expected.


End file.
